I stand staring at a picture on the wall. I count the Women and Men.
There are 24 and the year is 1976.
I know that, because once when I was really thinking
I labeled the glass covering it.

We were in Mazatlan, Mexico and I had planned the trip for the
winners of a newspaper subscriber contest I threw while
working at the San Francisco Chronicle.

I peer at it trying to name the faces. I can only remember a few.
The one I know the best is Darlene.
She was my wife then, gave birth to my son Ken
and my Daughter Robin.
Long ago lovers, now just good friends.

The story of how Darlene and I finally parted after more than
15-years is a story that took all of those years to write.
Write it I did, never knowing the last chapter.

Like a Gypsy I moved us all over the country, seizing each
opportunity to move "Up the ladder", and in the end
moved my family once to often taking them all from the place
they had come to love.

I now call it my "move of destruction"
Although it was a great job I lost much more than I could
have ever hoped to gain.

My eyes shift to the picture next to it.
It says American Press Institute 1981.
I look hard at the Men and Women. I can't name a one
except myself.
I do remember that it was back east in Reston, Virginia
and we had one weekend while there, to tour
Washington DC. It was fall; the beauty of the colored leaves
along the Potomac still is clear in my mind.

The final two pictures I look at today are of only me.
Both, holding up a large fish.
One is a Pike the other is a King Salmon.
Both pictures were taken in Alaska, another trip
for ME without my family.

I think now "How could I have been so Selfish?"

On the glass, "Alaska, 1982", another time when I was thinking.
I do remember that trip though.
Ron Mead and Bob Kuptz were with me.
Ron is near me now here in California and Bob has passed on.

Much of the walls are filled with awards I have won through
my years in the Newspaper industry but one wall
has nothing but my family pictures on it.

I look at each wall now. Taking a moment to think
about each picture, a lifetime of history on these walls.
I think hard about what I have here.

I realize that every single picture and award could
be thrown away today except those of my family.

What did all the rest really mean?

I decide nothing really, just a day in my life.

The other pictures, the ones of my family, write the story
of all of those days that really meant something and
the faces I see in them I miss so much and wish I had another
day with all of them this Christmas.

Sadly I have learned that time is shorter than I think,
opportunities are less than I had believed and that wish
is like an autumn leaf in the wind.

If that one wish would somehow come true, I'd have it all back,
the only thing that ever really meant much, my family. .

The pictures of their faces will remain on the
wall of my soul's mind forever.

When there is nothing but my soul left, the pictures will travel with it,
I'll share each picture with the other souls I run into
and tell them that few Men had a life as
wonderful as I have had.

I'll listen to their stories and look at the pictures they carry
and we'll laugh together over some of the funny moments
and probably cry over some of the sad ones.

But as for now, there is still time left and more pictures to be gathered.
The adventure goes on and life's amazing miracles continue.

It is late tonight and I'm tired but excited about the pictures
someday in store for my wall.

You see, somehow, I will make the wish come true.

I'm the only one that can, and my time has come
to think of such things.

Bobby