One Morning in Hawaii

I shook my head and leaned back in my chair, my
eyes gliding over the awards I had gotten in this
industry that were fastened to the walls of my office
at the small Hawaiian newspaper.

Smiling, I said aloud, “big deal”.

It was 2001 and I was nearing the end of a long
career and the awards came from places like, San
Francisco, Marin County, Beloit, Colorado Springs
and what I expected was my final award, here in Hawaii.

What do you do with all of these ego boosters when
it’s over, I reasoned?

Early this morning everything was quiet, it usually
was when I arrived at the small but attractive newspaper
plant. I was almost always the one that unlocked the back
door and came into a building dark and empty of people.

Newspapers had been my passion since 1964 and
being here so early each morning always gave me time
to finish anything on hold and then plan my day.

It was 6A.M. And the first to arrive here after me
would be my boss. He’d be wearing his flowered shirt,
Dockers and Sandals.

I had been here a little over a year and this place still
sometimes amazed me.

I had never seen a man wearing a suit here and I’m
glad I knew the dress was so casual before leaving
Colorado. I had brought one suit across the Pacific
and had never attended an occasion calling for its wear.

I stopped day dreaming and turned on my computer
and emptied the paper work that was on hold for today.
There was not much and none of it was critical, as it
would have been in almost any location I had worked in
before, even the work was casual.

With my computer now warmed up it was time to check
any mail I had received, that always came first and was
usually a very quick process.

I read a few complaints lodged by subscribers and
printed each one separately. These would end up with
my District Manager who would straighten them out
and report the results back to me.

The last message on my screen was from my soon to
be wife. I had met her by accident on her vacation here
and it was the best thing that could have happened to me.

Our wedding was taking shape now and soon we would
fly to Las Vegas for our marriage. She had completed
most of the planning and she had picked the very best
of accommodations.

We would be on our way in less than 2-weeks now.

I read her note.

“I love you” “I’ll sure be glad to get back in the
real United States.”

I had been here a year longer than her and I understood
her feelings.

Although I enjoyed my job here I knew that somehow,
I had to get us both back home for good soon, but how?

It seemed like we disliked living here more each day
and the culprit was the feeling of being so far away
from our families.

Maybe it has something to do with being across a
good-sized part of the Pacific. It seemed like an eternity
of distance, time and emotions.

I already knew in my heart that here or back home,
we might very well have a difficult time.

We loved each other deeply, but we both had been
on our own so long, it was difficult to adjust.

The magic word was compromise and I had little of
that and I still was not sure how much she had.

Turning my thoughts to being back home I thought
“Here I am in my early 60s, will publishers even give
me a second thought”?

It is time for the young ones, why should they?

When we did go back, where would we end up I
thought? Early hopes were for a newspaper in
Tennessee that our corporation owned but someone
had to retire in order to open my position.

Both of our families were spread out across California,
Alabama, Ohio, Florida and Texas. There was no center
point, would it be near some of hers or some of mine?

I knew that I would lose her if we stayed in Hawaii
so I decided to start actively looking for other places
near her family where I could stay in my profession
for a few years longer.

Better that I not get her hopes up now I decided, but
I knew somewhere inside that this was the morning that
spelled either disaster or success for us.

The beginning of the end even before you get married?
I refused to give that any thought because the last thing
I wanted was to lose the one I loved so much.

“Damn you Bobby” I thought!

Another lesson in never really knowing what the future
may bring was starting.

Why is it so hard to understand this lesson?

We learn it over and over but we still believe the future
is our own hands.

Look at what just happened as I wrote this?

My thoughts this morning as I was writing were about
what the future had in store and I sat right here with all
of my wisdom, and figured it out.

I’d bet everything I have that the future comes out a
whole lot different than this “wise” mind predicts.

I don’t think I’ll ever learn this simple lesson, no matter
how many times life tries to teach me.
One morning in Hawaii, history, experience and living
itself tried to teach me one of life’s lessons again and
again I failed to listen.

Bobby 2005